Our Mishna on Amud Beis discusses the penalty for kidnapping, which can be the death penalty. The Mishna even considers an opinion that a father could be liable for kidnapping, such as if he sold his son into slavery. The Shu”t of Rav Betzalel Ashkenazi (39) notes that the term used in Biblical Hebrew is “gonev” and not “gozel.” Usually, “gezel” refers to brazen, open theft, while “geneiva” refers to a stealthy act, such as burglary. Even though the victim knows he is being kidnapped and likely where he is located, his loved ones do not know his whereabouts—thus, the term “gonev” is fitting.
There is a particularly stealthy form of kidnapping in our modern world known as Parental Alienation. Parental Alienation can result from divorce, where one parent subtly—or not so subtly—poisons the esteem and relationship between the child and the other parent. With growing awareness of this condition, and some states even categorizing it as a form of child abuse, few rational parents would openly denigrate or promote hatred of the other parent. Yet, because rage and resentment can run so deep, passive-aggressive forms of alienation remain prevalent. Imagine a chronically irresponsible parent is late for a visitation; it’s tempting for the other parent to roll her eyes or say something sarcastic like, “That’s your father, Mr. Reliable.” The healthiest response, however, is to validate the child’s distress about his father’s lateness without interpreting or assessing the father’s morality or dedication. A comment like, “Yeah, it’s sad your father hasn’t shown up yet…let’s find out if or when he’s coming,” is ideal. Of course, this isn’t to justify neglectful parenting or suggest that a dysfunctional parent should be protected or covered for by the other. It’s a tightrope to walk. The father may indeed be a poor father, and his neglectful behavior may lead the child to reject him, but those reactions should stem solely from the dynamic between father and child, without anyone else inciting the alienation. There are plenty of relatively inadequate parents who maintain relationships with their children, and some competent parents who, for various reasons, do not. Yet, it remains the right of the child and that particular parent to negotiate their relationship without undue influence.
A hallmark of alienation is when the rejection seems disproportionate to the parent’s actual shortcomings, when it echoes adult attitudes and judgments, or when the other parent is portrayed as saintly and the victim. An odd statistical fact is that children are more likely to seek connection with an abusive parent in an existing, functioning marriage than with a less abusive parent subjected to an alienation campaign. If you believe you and your child are victims of Parental Alienation, here’s some practical advice:
Stay Calm and Regulated: Alienation often thrives on emotional reactions. If you lose your temper or appear unstable, it can be weaponized to reinforce negative narratives about you. Staying calm shows your child consistency and safety, countering claims of you being “unfit” or “unpredictable.” Avoid retaliation, as it contributes to a lack of emotional safety.
Maintain Consistent Contact: Even if your child resists, don’t withdraw. Send regular, brief, positive messages.
Focus on Being a ‘Safe Parent’: Psychologically, kids caught in alienation are under stress and torn loyalties. Be the parent who doesn’t badmouth the other, doesn’t grill them for information, and doesn’t put them in the middle. Ask open-ended, neutral questions like, “How’s your day going?” instead of, “What did your mom or dad say about me?” This builds trust over time and contrasts with manipulative tactics they might face elsewhere.
Document Everything: Keep records of all interactions—your attempts to connect, any hostile responses, or blocked access. This serves both legal purposes, to protect yourself, and as a way to stay grounded and contain your frustration and helplessness.
Keep in mind that winning the long game is what matters. If you are patient and persistent, children tend to recognize, over time, who has been fair, generous, positive, and consistent. Teenagers, especially, go through a natural developmental process of identity-building and self-reflection. As they seek emotional independence, they are likely to question the narratives they were fed. If you remain a positive and consistent presence—even if the relationship was superficially limited due to interference or bad-mouthing—opportunities for repair may arise in the future. The truth often prevails, and a vengeful or nasty parent will eventually be exposed by their own dishonorable behavior.
Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation 
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Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R, DHL is a psychotherapist who works with high conflict couples and families as well male sexual health. He can be reached via email at simchafeuerman@gmail.com