Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

July 27th, 2021

The Netflix reality show, My Unorthodox Life, has been the talk of much of the Orthodox world since it was released less than two weeks ago. It tells the story of Julia Haart, who first developed a shoe line, and quickly rose in the world of fashion. She now is the the CEO and co-owner of Elite World Group, the world’s largest modeling network. As most of you probably know, the reason that her story is different from others is that Julia wa …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

February 14th, 2019

Many people are taught that following Taharat HaMishpacha – the laws of family purity – keeps a marriage fresh, and adds passion to a couple’s sexual relationship. Often, this is true, but many times, it’s not. Some couples find that Taharat HaMishpacha adds a tremendous strain to their relationship. Are there solutions within Halacha? What should a couple in this situation do? Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn speak wi …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

August 6th, 2020

The Netflix series “Unorthodox” inspired two Intimate Judaism ZOOM panels on female and male sexuality respectively. Our panel on male sexuality included discussion of the expectations on observant men to live up to contemporary societal definitions of masculinity. Men are expected to exercise full restraint over forbidden thoughts and actions, yet be obligated to perform sexually with one’s wife. This may contribute to feelings …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

December 24th, 2020

Orthodox girls and women are traditionally taught to dress modestly in order to avoid attracting the male gaze and to keep men from sinful thoughts or behaviours. These messages, according to Rabanit Oriya Mevorach, an educator and doctoral student of Gender and Philosophy, objectify and sexualise women and girls, and are actually influenced by Western society’s sexuality discourse. Moreover, the effect of these messages present men as sexu …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

March 18th, 2022

In his seminal book “The Body Keeps the Score,” trauma expert Dr. Bessel van der Kolk states “the ability to feel relaxed in one’s body requires the emotional experience of safety.” The emotional experience of safety and the embodied experience of relaxation  are also critical to experiencing attachment and connection.  Humans long for intimacy and are wired to connect. Most individuals desire to experien …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

June 9th, 2020

Whether biologically or socially influenced, classic definitions of masculinity assign to men the traits of ambitiousness, competitiveness and a fairly uncomplicated and constant desire for sex. Contemporary culture, largely influenced by pornography, depicts men as sexually assertive whose masculinity is determined by their sexual performance and measured by the frequency of their sexual conquests.   In contrast, our Jewish sources teach us …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

October 2nd, 2019

First published in Times of Israel The relationship between God and the Jewish people is dynamic and complex, taking many forms in different contexts and periods. At times, God is referred to as the king and ruler, an object of authority and control whose judgment we fear. At times, He is our father in heaven, from whom we expect nurturing and protection. And some texts, such as the romantic Song of Songs, illustrate God and the Jewish people as …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

January 23rd, 2017

Originally posted in the Times of Israel   The wedding season is upon us, and along with tending to the details of invitations, dresses, flowers and music, many engaged couples prepare for marital life by attending private or group classes with a premarital instructor. In addition to teaching the laws of family purity and mikvah (the ritual bath), many instructors provide some sexual education and instruction and tips for ‘shlom bayit, …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

February 8th, 2022

Straight FOMO, Hymenal Myths, Vasectomy Envy, Fetishes, BDSM and Mad at God: Listening to our Listeners Q&A n this month’s episode, we turn the mike over to you, our listeners, and answer a handful of the many questions you have sent in on email, Facebook and Instagram messenger. Listen to Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn discuss what happens to queer women who don’t want to miss out on traditional marriage and sexual reproduc …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

August 20th, 2023

Originally published in Times of Israel.   Warning: this article contains material regarding sexual abuse that some readers may find disturbing.   A few weeks ago, podcaster and comedian Mendy Pellin featured an interview with convicted sex offender Gershon Selinger, who recounted his struggle with pedophilia and sexual offending.  Almost immediately, segments of Jewish social media were flooded with reactions. Although the podcast …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

January 24th, 2018

First published in Times of Israel Several years ago, I shared my Ten Tips for Raising Sexually Healthy Orthodox Sons. In my seventh tip, “Explain that sexual arousal is a natural part of being human,” I alluded to the existential conflict of healthy young men whose options for sexual expression are limited until marriage. I believed this conveyed a modestly cloaked message to parents to educate their sons that, despite proh …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

February 16th, 2024

  In many Orthodox communities, premarital sex education taught by Kallah teachers is limited to ensuring wedding night “success” and encouraging strict observance of Nidah laws in order to guarantee sexual satisfaction. Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum as they interview two Kallah instructors, Dr. Hadassah Fromson and Dr. Yosefa Wruble,  discussing how they integrate discussions about sexual pleasure and satisfacti …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

January 30th, 2020

“Sex is not something you ‘have’ but rather an expression of an intimate and erotic energy that a couple mutually shares.”   This quote, from the recently released book, I Am For My Beloved: A Guide to Enhanced Intimacy for Married Couples by co-authors Talli Rosenbaum and David Ribner, reflects the theme that a passionate marriage is about cultivating a loving, emotionally intimate relationship.       …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

May 18th, 2017

First published in Times of Israel Post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD, is a serious condition that can affect individuals after being directly or indirectly exposed to a traumatic, life-threatening event. The symptoms of PTSD are intrusive. They include flashbacks and nightmares and difficulties with concentration and sleep. People with PTSD tend to easily get anxious and irritated. Because they become easily triggered, they may avoid crowds …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

May 29th, 2021

Although quite common, painful intercourse is a topic that is rarely talked about. Couples who are unable to experience pain free intercourse, or are unable to consummate their marriage, may not know why this is happening or with whom to consult. Is this problem physical or psychological? How is it diagnosed and treated? In this episode, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum discuss causes and solutions. …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

October 17th, 2019

The World Association of Sexual Health Congress met recently in Mexico City. Though I was unable to attend due to the Jewish Holidays, I was pleased to receive the following declaration, which discusses pleasure as a basic fundamental right. The statement is as follows: The participants of the 24th World Congress of the World Association for Sexual Health in Mexico City: RECOGNIZE that: Sexual pleasure is the physical and/or psychological satisfa …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

August 31st, 2021

During the month of Elul, hundreds of high school graduates flock to Israel for their gap year programs, yeshivot, and seminaries. This year offers experiences of high level learning, spiritual growth, increased maturity, new friendships, and fun. But many students experience confusion, particularly around their developing sexuality. The legendary “Night of Tears” refers to the night that some yeshiva boys and seminary girls are encou …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

October 20th, 2022

The sexual life of a couple changes throughout the life cycle, as both partners navigate life’s transitions including but not limited to new marriage, childbirth, raising teens, and caring for elderly parents. As couples enter middle age, they acquire new responsibilities personally, socially and professionally which can impact on their identities, such as work promotions or adjusting to new roles as grandparents. Over time some couples dev …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

December 6th, 2020

 I am honored to have been invited by Professor Brill to respond to his blog interview of some of the authors and editors of the recently published,  Monologues from the Makom: Intertwined Narratives of Sexuality, Gender, Body Image, and Jewish Identity  (Ben Yehuda Press, 2020) by Rivka Cohen, Sara Rozner Lawrence, Sarah Ricklan, Rebecca Zimilover, and Naima Hirsch.   I was aware of the book’s publication …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

December 11th, 2018

  Tamar and Avi are an American couple in their late thirties who made aliya to Israel two years ago with their four children.  They presented to couple therapy in distress. They reported that they argued frequently about their children, their in-laws, household tasks and money. Tamar said she felt that Avi took her for granted and had no idea what her life was like.  Avi complained, “We hardly ever have sex.” After a m …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

October 22nd, 2023

As Jews in Israel and worldwide absorb the horrifying reality of the atrocities suffered here at the hands of vicious terrorists, it seems surreal to think or talk about intimacy. Hundreds are still being held captive or are still missing, the dead have not all been buried, we are all in mourning and in shock. Who is thinking about intimacy or sex? Yet, in the face of threat, the safety and security of a committed partnership can be a comforting …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

March 25th, 2020

  The Coronavirus has affected how we live, how we work, how we congregate and how we experience touch and intimacy. The world at large has had to renegotiate the common norms of social intimacy with distancing measures that are increasing daily. Couples are facing a new reality: confinement at home, the need to keep children occupied and help them cope with stress and uncertainty, as well as provide comfort and reassurance to one another. H …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

November 11th, 2021

In past decades, being Orthodox and gay meant suffering in the closet, or choosing to live authentically at the expense of religion. Today, more LGBTQ individuals and couples wish to retain their religious identities while embracing their sexual orientation. Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum in a moving interview with Rachel Weinstein, Shimmy Feintuch and Joshua Brook. For the video of the panel click here For the audio, click here …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

March 18th, 2022

This past March 2022, I participated (virtually) in a symposium at the conference of ISSWSH- The International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health in Dallas, Texas.  The symposium consisted of four speakers, each representing one of the following religions: Islam, Mormonism, Catholicism and Judaism. I was given 15 minutes to present the highlights of both the myths and the realities of Judaism and sexuality.  Below is a …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

November 7th, 2018

    In his recent analysis of the “#MeToo earthquake,” Rabbi Avi Shafran, Agudath Israel of America’s director of public affairs, bemoans the “supposedly enlightened, progressive, post-patriarchal society, with its proud claim to value and respect women,” and questions how we can expect men to respect women who dress and behave immodestly. In contrast, he asserts that sexual abuse is “relatively rare& …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

August 7th, 2018

Intimate Judaism is a new podcast where a rabbi and therapist discuss intimacy, sexuality, and relationships in the context of Jewish family life and Torah observance. We raise conflicts and challenges and candidly offer solutions while remaining firmly within the bounds of Torah and Halacha. Do you have unanswered questions about Judaism, sexuality and intimacy? Do you want your children to get a better sex education than the one you receiv …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

May 3rd, 2019

Humans  long for intimacy and are wired to connect. Most individuals desire to experience a meaningful partnership that includes feeling secure, understood and loved.  Physical intimacy provides the opportunity to express that love  with connection, joy, pleasure, satisfaction,  playfulness and sometimes, even as a spiritual connection. Experiencing this  involves  letting go, feeling secure while taking risks, being …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

December 22nd, 2016

  In the course of a couple’s lifecycle, medical conditions, chronic illnesses or diseases can become a reality for one or both partners. While medical practitioners offer guidance and treatment for the purpose of improving health and quality of life, questions regarding the effect of illness, medications and other treatments on sexual health and functioning often remain unaddressed.   The reasons for this are many, and include th …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

December 20th, 2018

I recently received the following question from a therapist:   “Is there a norm as to how often religious couples should engage in sex?  The question comes specifically from a woman who has reached menopause and is no longer a niddah. Husband wants often, she prefers less frequently, but wants to be a “good wife”.   My answer was as follows:   The standard answer to this question is that there is no dete …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

September 14th, 2022

The liturgy we recite on Rosh Hashana includes references to fertility and childbirth. G-d remembers Sarah, Rachel and Chana by answerIng their prayers for a child. The poem “Hayom harat olam,” the ‘birth day’ of the world, evokes images of pregnancy. For individuals and couples struggling with infertility or pregnancy loss, this can be triggering, painful and isolating. In the first of two episodes on infertility and preg …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

October 16th, 2017

There are various terms used to describe the newly non-religious. The popular term used in here Israel is “datlash” which, in Hebrew, stands for ‘dati le’sheavar’ or ‘formerly religious’. “Off the Derech” (OTD) meaning, off the path, or way, is the term frequently used in American Orthodox communities. The decision to abandon a religious lifestyle can involve a combination of factors ranging f …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

February 9th, 2017

First appeared in The Eden Center blog Mazal tov! Your child is engaged and amidst the hustle and bustle of choosing gowns, wedding hall, flowers and caterer, you want to be able to talk to your son or daughter about the upcoming marriage – not just the wedding. If the topics of relationships, intimacy and sexuality have been part of the overall dialogue in your home, then speaking freely and openly with your children as they embark upon th …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

February 17th, 2021

In Episode #30 of Intimate Judaism, Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn answer practical sex questions from listeners. Among the subjects covered are: Can a couple experience sexual pleasure when intercourse is medically inadvisable?
Why must couples get the first time “over with” on the wedding night? (Or must they?)
Is it permissible to masturbate when your wife is a Niddah?
May women fantasize?
Does enjoying an …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

December 5th, 2023

When there are desire discrepancies between couples, women are often identified as the partner with less sexual desire. Yet the experience of desire may be different for men and women, and the expectation that desire should be equally matched can create feelings of frustration and rejection. The right question may not be “Why doesn’t she want?” but rather, “What does she want and how does she want it?” In this episod …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

May 23rd, 2019

What happens when couples disagree over religious observance? When one spouse decides that he or she no longer wants to be observant? Is there a way to reach an understanding? Join Talli and Scott as we discuss these issues on the season finale of Intimate Judaism! To listen to the season finale episode of Intimate Judaism click here …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

December 26th, 2019

Is sexual pleasure considered an important value in Judaism? What place does sex for pleasure have in a healthy marriage?  Join Talli and Scott here for a frank and open discussion about these and many other questions. …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

March 30th, 2023

In our annual Q&A episode, Talli Rosenbaum  and  Rabbi Scott Kahn answer many questions and discuss numerous issues dealing with Judaism and intimacy, including whether avoiding sex before marriage means a likelihood of being sexually incompatible with your spouse, how to proceed when you start off shomer negiah and then… you’re not, finding porn on your husband’s intenet history, coping with changes in libido, de …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

February 22nd, 2023

Whether divorced, widowed or never married, seeking a new relationship is complex. While each individual has his or her own unique experiences and perspectives, being unpartnered in midlife usually represents mourning for having loved and lost, or not yet having experienced the joy of partnered intimacy. Added to this for Orthodox Jews, are conflicts around non-marital physical touch. Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum here in a discussion …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

December 23rd, 2022

  I want to, so yes. I want to want to, so yes. I don’t want to, but  I know I should, so yes I don’t want to, but must, so yes. I guess. Numerous sources in Jewish tradition demonstrate that sex in marriage must be mutual and consensual and at no time can sex be forced or coerced. The ideal consensual situation is enthusiastic consent with mutual desire. In reality  a woman’s desire for sex may be influenced by s …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

October 9th, 2018

Many couples await the wedding night with anticipation and excitement, as they are finally permitted to express their desire for one another and to consummate their relationship.  For some couples, however, the wedding night, and sometimes the weeks and months thereafter, can be a source of anxiety and distress, and represents an obligation they struggle to “perform successfully.” How do couples negotiate the transition from abst …
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