A number of people have emailed me or texted me saying that they're “losing it”. Just losing it! It's really difficult these days -- but what does it mean “losing it”? Psychologically, there is a process to it.

Losing it is when your Ego, which is the part of your personality, crumbles and falls apart.  It is disorienting.  

What is the Ego?  It is something that you develop as a young child, maybe even early as infancy. Aspects of Ego might be already be hardwired and predisposed from biological and neurological structures, much as some believe there is an innate capacity within the brain for language.

The Ego functions as an integrator, regulator and moderator of all our inner emotions, drives, and memories, as well as our external sensations and stimuli.  Our mind is bombarded by all of this constantly. Without the Ego managing this cacophony and onslaught of data and information we would not be able to manage.  Think of the Ego as a good teacher managing an entire classroom of children. The Ego seems to develop and form over time and it is a fluid and dynamic, constantly incorporating new experiences to teach it (and you!) how to manage.

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Losing it does not mean getting angry for a moment.  It means a kind of internal collapse. A feeling that everything is falling apart. It could lead to an out of control outburst of anger, sadness or despair.  You're on a rampage yelling, crying -- you just cannot take it anymore. This is the Ego crumbling to pieces.

Like all functions of the mind, this breakdown of sorts, is at its core functional and adaptive, even if sometimes enacted in a maladaptive manner.  Think of the now famous, Corona Virus Cytokine Storm, whereby the body’s immune response floods and chokes the lungs with dead cells. The reaction is part of a functional defense against disease, but still maladaptive.  The Ego is like a brick structure. You can remove a few bricks at a time and replace them with better bricks and the structure will stand. However if too many bricks are rotten at the same time, the whole wall must be demolished.  

This is not a bad thing.  This is a necessary setira al menas livnos, a destruction in order to build.  It is the broken heart that pierces the heavens and also the broken heart that allows the person to rebuild a different Ego with a more accurate version of inner and outer reality.  It is just as the house with tzoraas reaches a point where it needs to be demolished and rebuilt.

It can put a person in terror, but I assure you, a crumbling Ego in a reasonably healthy person not disposed to psychosis, will recover.  One needs a few minutes or hours to recover. Maybe you need to stay in bed or binge watch. It is ok for a bit. Treat yourself with love and try to acknowledge and not run away from the new data.  Maybe what crumbled your Ego is the thought, “Oh my, this Corona virus mamzer is here to stay!”, or maybe you are seeing disturbing things about your spouse or even yourself. Lovingly accept, and your Ego will recover within a short time better than before.

Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation

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