Our Gemara on Amud Beis mentions a structure known as כילת חתנים, literally the canopy bed of the grooms. Bach ( או״ח שטו:ו) describes this structure as a temporary and only made in honor of the chosson.

This concept of a canopy for the Chosson is elaborated upon by Ben Yehoyada Pesachim 86b. A man must make a home for his wife so that she becomes attached to him. I know it’s unpopular and not PC to discuss male and female roles, and it’s nonsense to ignore them. Of course no female or male role in 2021 should serve as a means to oppress anyone in some obligatory fashion, and yet it’s foolish to ignore patterns of human behavior. Simply stated, women want security and men want respect and nurture. To pretend otherwise is ignoring basic biological patterns.

You cannot get a more random statistically valid, large population portrayal of mating behavior, than looking at on-line dating profiles. In a meta-study conducted by researchers Abramova, Bauman, Krasnova and Buxman ( https://www.researchgate.net/publication/281965128_Gender_Differences_in_Online_Dating_What_Do_We_Know_So_Far_A_Systematic_Literature_Review ) the following conclusions were drawn:

“While male online daters are attracted by physical appearance of a potential mate, female daters base their choices on male breadwinning abilities and give preference to socio-economic characteristics (income, occupation and education) over physical attractiveness.”

Men and women out there, please digest the truth of these timeless patterns of human behavior. Yes, humans have intellect which can bypass instincts but why waste energy doing so unless absolutely necessary? If you want to feel love and attraction toward your mate, your basic instincts ask of women to be attractive and men to offer financial security and stability. Of course not every man is reich vi koirach (Sanhedrin 50a) nor is every woman as beautiful as Rachav (Megillah 15a), but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try! Please don’t shoot the messenger or ignore this because you don’t like it. Hundreds of thousands of on-line users cannot lie. It’s just the way men and women are. Know the reality and use it instead of running away from it.

Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation

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