Our Mishna on Amud Aleph outlines the penalties for those liable to stoning, including one who curses their father or mother. Yet, the Mishna later (84b) states that the penalty for striking one’s parents is strangulation.

While the actual administration of these penalties was an extremely rare event, as the Mishna in Makkos (1:10) notes, we must still recognize that the presence of these laws and punishments conveys a significant message about the severity of these offenses. Stoning is a more severe punishment than strangulation. So why would the crime of cursing one's parents carry a harsher penalty than striking them?

The Ramban (Shemos 21:15) explains that the more likely a sin is to be committed, the more severe the deterrent must be. Cursing one's parents, being a verbal offense rather than a physical act, might be more easily rationalized: “It’s only words.” To combat this mindset, the Torah emphasizes the severity of this sin by imposing the penalty of stoning.

The Rambam, in his Guide for the Perplexed (III:41), makes a similar observation about various penalties in the Torah:

“If anyone damages the property of another, he must repay exactly as much as he has taken… If a thief steals a sheep, he must pay four times its value… But the punishment is more severe for the theft of sheep because it happens more frequently. The sheep are in the fields, often outside of the owner's control, and easy to steal, so the penalty is stricter.”

There are two ways to understand this. On one level, which seems to align with both the Ramban and Rambam, the punishment is a means of deterrence. Striking one’s parents is indeed a more serious violation of morality, but because it is so taboo, a less severe punishment can still deter people. However, there may be a deeper understanding: that the sin of cursing one's parents, while seemingly less severe, could be morally more damaging.  

Why? Because when a person can rationalize their actions, they may feel less guilt and construct a corrupt self-image that justifies their behavior. The deeper moral corruption that results from this attitude requires a harsher penalty.

This idea is reflected in a later Gemara (Bava Kamma 79b):

Rabban Yochanan ben Zakkai said: “Come and see how great human dignity is. The theft of an ox, which walks on its own legs as the thief steals it, results in a fivefold payment, whereas the theft of a sheep, which the thief carries on his shoulders and thus causes himself embarrassment, results in only a fourfold payment.”

While we could interpret the embarrassment as a mere deterrent, I believe the deeper message is that the embarrassment itself is an incentive for self-reflection. It forces the thief to confront their actions. It’s similar to the experience of an alcoholic who wakes up in a jail cell far from home and must ask, “How did I get here?” The thief, carrying the sheep and sneaking around, might also have a moment of clarity, realizing how low he has sunk.

Rabbeinu Yona (Shaare Teshuva III:141) seems to express a similar sentiment. He discusses why humiliating someone to the extent that they turn pale with shame, which is akin to murder, carries a penalty worse than murder itself—losing one’s place in the World to Come:

“It is because one who embarrasses another does not recognize the greatness of the sin. Therefore, his soul does not feel the bitterness of the wrongdoing, as a murderer’s soul does. This distance from remorse makes repentance difficult.”

This idea is also reflected in Gemara Yoma (29a): “Thoughts of transgression are worse than the transgression itself.” A person whose soul is immersed in sinful thoughts is in a much worse spiritual state than one who falls into sin but regrets it and works toward repentance.

Of course, this should not be taken as an excuse to rationalize sinning with the intention of repenting later, as the Mishna Yoma (8:9) teaches: “One who says, ‘I will sin and then I will repent,’ is not granted the opportunity to repent, and is in danger of remaining a sinner forever.”

Ultimately, some sins may appear less severe on the surface but can be far more damaging because they corrupt the sinner's mindset. In the end, it matters less what the sin is, but whom the sinner becomes.

Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation

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Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R, DHL is a psychotherapist who works with high conflict couples and families as well male sexual health. He can be reached via email at simchafeuerman@gmail.com