Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.

October 15th, 2018

Question: My very bright, mature, lovable, happy 5-year-old son has begun to experience what I have been told is called "night terror". He is a very happy child during the day, definitely with a more intense personality, but very healthy and well-adjusted and extremely bright. At night, he will wake up in terror, screaming, cowering in the corner, looking at me or my husband with terror, eyes opened wide, with real fear, and then a few minut …
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Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.

September 17th, 2018

Question: I am a young adult with anxiety and constantly beat myself with mistakes that I make. I was wondering if you can please give me insight on how to deal with it. I'm a bit impulsive. For example, I spent a bit too much on food recently and now I'm upset that I don't have any money left for more important things I need. I think very bad thoughts that are not letting me move on in life. I get very tense and have negative thou …
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Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.

September 2nd, 2018

 Question: I have struggled with anxiety all my life. I spent a few years in therapy and BH have it under control to the point where is doesn't severely impact my life like it used to. My question is regarding the upcoming Yemei Hadin I wonder if the paralyzing Yirah that I used to feel is the proper avodah for me or, given my predisposition, not a good idea to focus on. Perhaps precisely the opposite I should work on remaining cal …
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Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.

August 7th, 2018

Question: Can you please give me some good guidelines on how to deal with peer pressure? I am very affected by what the people around me are doing.  I don't know if it's that I'm afraid of people getting angry with me or I need to be the center of attention. I think that that is my most difficult challenge and if I could just not be afraid to be different I would be a much better person.   This is a good question. You are …
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Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.

July 18th, 2018

Based on a Shiur from Rabbi Eliyahu Brudny  Tisha B’av, as we all know, is a tremendous paradox. It is simultaneously a Yomtov, a fast-day, and a Yom Avel that all somehow go hand in hand. We sit on the floor like Availim and then, based on the Pasuk of "Koro Aloi Moed", we omit several sad parts of davening  including lamnatzeiach, tachanun, or tzidkoscha tzedek.  This is such a rare occurrence to have su …
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Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.

July 4th, 2018

I wanted to share excerpts from this New York Times article by Clay Routledge.  It touches on many important themes including the role of meaning, community, contributing, family, and religion.   I touched on some of these themes in the following blogposts.   https://nefesh.org/ChaimNeuhoff/footsteps-ii.html.  Related to the loneliness and despair of those who have left Orthodoxy.    https://nefesh.org/ChaimNeuhoff/a …
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Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.

June 18th, 2018

 Question: We b'H have a wonderful almost 10-year-old son; he is a fantastic kid, smart, conscientious, studious, well-behaved. bright, a real baal middos and a budding  talmid chacham. He brings us a tremendous amount of nachas. The problem, he likes to eat and has been steadily gaining since 5 years old. First, it was ten pounds, then 20, and now more each passing year. At almost 10 years old, he is 130 lbs.  …
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Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.

May 29th, 2018

Question: I would like to get your opinion on something that has been bothering me for a long time. I am afraid to do hagba (lifting the Torah scroll). I have only done it once in my life ( with a really small Sefer Torah). I should be strong enough but I just have such a fear that I will drop it. I will usually duck out of shul when it’s time for hagbah so that the Gabbai won’t approach me for it and if I do get asked I always r …
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Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.

May 22nd, 2018

Question: The time has come in my life for me to make a parnassah to support my family. I am having a difficult time choosing what career path I would like to take and what field I want to get involved in. I am generally not a person that has a hard time making up his mind but I can’t seem to settle on something that I think I would be good at and interested in. Someone mentioned that therapists are trained in career counseling so …
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Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.

May 15th, 2018

 A colleague recently shared the following video with me. https://youtu.be/xrFyW9MITxs This is a video of young Orthodox men and women who self identify as homosexual. I found the clip, by and large, to be evocative and poignant. These are people who I identified and empathized with. The communities, schools, and types of families discussed were my own; they could have been me, my neighbors, or even my children. At the same time, I found som …
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