June 29th, 2017

By Elisheva Liss, MA, LMFT Selecting a spouse is possibly the most momentous decision that we humans make over the course of a lifetime. We are choosing our roommate, co-parent, romantic partner, teammate, and closest companion – ideally, for life. We live in an era in which we have more autonomy and opportunity than ever before in history, we seem to be more emotionally complex, and we demand more of our love relationships than in any othe …
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June 29th, 2017

By Dr. Sara Teichman Many a mother feels driven to distraction by her young child’s curiosity. Whether her child is into everything, tries to take things apart, or perpetually asks “why” – well, it’s enough to drive a mother crazy. Though there’s no denying that the curious child is a handful, curiosity is a very positive characteristic. In fact, curiosity is critical for our child to learn and grow throug …
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June 29th, 2017

By Chaya Blumenberg, LMSW To truly understand the impact of living with a mental illness, you either have to know someone who is diagnosed, have a diagnosis yourself, or have witnessed firsthand how mental illness can impact individuals and families. Take the journey of Racheli, for example, who has been diagnosed with “unspecified mood disorder.” Hers can be defined, not as a journey of burden and hardship, but as one of immense triu …
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June 29th, 2017

By Dr. Michael J. Salamon The daughter of my patient* called to speak with me about her mother’s treatment. Her mother had signed a release at the beginning of treatment granting me permission to speak with her husband, two sons and this daughter, should the need arise. On occasion, the patient brought some of these family members to the therapy room with her. It was not uncommon for them to call and ask how they might assist in helpin …
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June 29th, 2017

By Marlene Greenspan, MA, LP Relatives come in all different ways. Some are closer and others are farther, both geographically and emotionally. No matter how mature some people may be, when they find themselves close to their parents, they may regress in behavior, attitude, and speech. Relationships reflect these connections and present as problems on many levels when grown-ups, without even realizing it, relapse into their adolescent roles …
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June 29th, 2017

Anonymous
The power of abuse
frightening and strong
leads to behaviors
irrational and wrong The power of abuse
the questions that arise
the multitude of thoughts
disbelief and lies The power of abuse
wreaks havoc on the soul
something is lacking
I feel empty, not whole The power of abuse
the drama that erupts
dealing with the abuser
the nightmare of the confronts The power …
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Author: Lisa Twerski

February 22nd, 2017

            When I think of the concept of “enhancing our relationships,” I think of two scenarios: either a mutual process where two people are working together, or a situation when someone is trying to improve a relationship without the active cooperation of the other person, someone who is working on themselves in relation to the other person. All too often, when people come in …
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Author: Esther Gendelman MS, LPC, CPC

February 22nd, 2017

A number of wedding brachos refer to the simchah of Adam and Chava in Gan Eden. At first, Hashem allowed Adam to experience the pain of utter solitude. As he named the other living beings and understood their essence, Adam instinctively grasped that they could not provide the depth of companionship that he craved. When Hashem created Chava, Adam recognized true kinship on a very deep level; he now found someone who could support and understand hi …
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Author: Michael J. Salamon, PhD

February 22nd, 2017

There are a slew of variables that have been assessed to determine what predicts marital satisfaction: Attitudes, personality, temperament, interests, life goals, and intimacy are but a few of the ones shown to contribute to marital happiness. One variable, however, is not often included, but has been proven to impact marital contentment: humor. Apparently, the use of humor, which things a couple finds funny, how jokes are told to one another and …
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Author: Kalman Canant, LCSW, CSAT

February 22nd, 2017

Exactly who are you? You are indeed unique, and no one else is quite the same. But what makes you you? Well, part of the answer is your appearance. Other people spot you in a crowd and recognize your likeness. They know it’s you. The way you look identifies you to others, and your appearance is part of your self-identity as well. How do you know what you look like, though? As part of the human condition, your eyes can only look outwards, an …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

February 22nd, 2017

In my practice, I’ve found that there are two aspects of relationships that clients consistently want to discuss. One aspect generally pertains to those who are considering a relationship and those who are in the beginning phase of a new relationship. The other aspect is usually brought up later on in the relationship—sometimes relatively early on, and sometimes after years of marriage.   People interested in forming a relationsh …
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Author: Sara Schapiro-Halberstam, MHC-LP, CASAC & Renée Beyda

February 22nd, 2017

Humans are peaceful creatures… when alone. Once there are two or more people sharing a project, a bank account, children, a religion, and even a country, there’s bound to be friction. Just take a look at what occurred during the 2016 election. Fiery debates sparked at dinner tables and on social media platforms, caused friction within families, between friends, and continued to do so even after the results were in! Whether discussing …
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Author: Lisa Twerski

November 23rd, 2016

When we look at others who are engaging in self-destructive behavior, the easiest way for us to understand what we are looking at is to relate it to our own experience, as we often have more compassion and understanding for ourselves than for the other guy. If I’m judging someone who has lost everything to an addiction, or illegal or illicit behavior, etc., and I’ve never come close to being caught up in anything of that nature &ndash …
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Author: Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW

November 23rd, 2016

This ice cream is addictive! You need to watch this new show on Netflix. I’m addicted to it! The word “addiction” has entered our vernacular in a variety of ways. It gives us a way to earnestly, sometimes humorously, express that we are really into something, or that something is very, very good. I’m addicted to Shimmy Feintuch’s blog, Spiritual Sofa. I can’t stop reading it! But the truth about addiction is m …
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Author: Michael J. Salamon, Ph.D

November 23rd, 2016

Yaakov is 17. He has attended four different high schools before completely dropping out. His parents, not knowing what to do with him, had him visit to several different doctors and therapists over the last five years. All of the doctors diagnosed him with an Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). For many years, he willingly tried several different medications and combinations for the disorder in two different classes of drugs, and al …
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Author: Sara Teichman, PsyD

November 23rd, 2016

When you look into your children’s eyes, do you sometimes shudder to think of the parent you have become? Here’s what I mean: You wake up every morning with the best of intentions, determined to keep your cool and be positive with your children. But, like failed dieting, your resolve melts sooner or later in the day, when a child spills a drink, or you are late again, or there is just too much stuff for one set of parents to deal with …
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Author: Marlene Greenspan, MA, LPC

November 23rd, 2016

Teasing has many faces. It can be used to make jokes, it can be used to play tricks, or it can be used to hurt someone as offense or defense, to suggest a few applications. When children do it to each other, teasing can lead to bullying. In fact, teasing is really steps away from bullying, if the behavior continues and if it is becoming hurtful. When adults tease children who do not know how to respond, teasing can be very detrimental. When a chi …
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Author: Pamela P. Siller, MD

November 23rd, 2016

As an intern and psychiatric resident, I was presented with a myriad of psychiatric symptoms, with varying degrees of severity. The patients, as well as their disorders, came alive for me the more time I spent with them and the more my empathy grew. To better treat my patients, I needed to understand their points of view, and I tried to see the world through their eyes.  Depression and anxiety were easy to relate to, as we all have felt sad …
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Author: Sara Schapiro-Halberstam, MHC-LP, CASAC

November 23rd, 2016

  When we watch our own children tumbling on the floor, grabbing toys from one another, shouting, screaming, and crying, we put our hands to our head and mumble: “Oh no, when will this ever end?” Children will tell you the facts of the fight, “he touched my stuff so I hit him,” and so forth, but what is the psychological cause of sibling rivalry and competition? From an evolutionary perspective, there is a biological …
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August 24th, 2016

Dear Readers.   There are all types of unhealthy relationships and many reasons why people stay in them. For those who haven’t experienced this but who have played the confidant to someone in an unhealthy relationship, it can be understandable, from a practical standpoint, why people stay, Perhaps the person’s reasons for staying in the relationship are financial, or maybe it’s the feeling that if one makes a commitment, on …
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Author: Chaya Rubin, Ph.D

August 24th, 2016

Our very first relationships are the ones that we form with our caretakers, most typically, our mother and/or father. It is these early bonds that serve as a template for all our other relationships to come. As a baby, and then as child, we learn exactly what is at stake in our closest relationships. These primary alliances are instructive in representing what we can expect from others throughout our life, as well as what we are required to provi …
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Author: Pamela P. Siller, MD

August 24th, 2016

They may not want it. They may not know they need it. But you need to know better. Discipline. Boundaries. The foundation of knowing how to navigate through society. You may not think that this applies to children with mental illness. However, structure is paramount for children, including those struggling with issues such as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Oppositional Behaviors, Mood Disorders... t …
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Author: Sara Teichman, Psy.D.

August 24th, 2016

We’ve all been there. A loved one says “sorry” and we feel uneasy and confused. On one hand, it seems ungracious to refuse an apology; on the other, the apology feels empty and insincere. Because the other person has apologized, he feels that the matter is closed. So, unsettled as we may feel, we let it go… and the resentment begins to build. For those readers who have trouble recognizing this pattern, visit any schoolyar …
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Author: Dvorah Levy, LCSW

August 24th, 2016

The problem with marriage is that our partner has the ability to hurt us in ways no one else can. We are hardwired to want to be in an intimate relationship with another. Our initial blueprint for attachment is formulated by our first intimate relationship, that of our primary caregiver. The messages we received as children around our worthiness, specialness, and lovability were reflected in the responses our caregiver gave us. Ideally, when we e …
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Author: Shoshana D Frydman, PhD, LCSW

August 24th, 2016

Imagine feeling like a hostage in your own home, unable to come and go as you please; always worrying about the next attack, even during times of relative peace. This fear is based on your experience and the awareness that, at some point, there will be another attack. And this fear takes over your life, and permeates itself into every experience and action that you take. I am not referring to what life is like in Israel or other terrorist-laden c …
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Author: Smadar Prager, CGP

May 25th, 2016

Mr. and Mrs. H. have an endearing habit. Every morning, they sip tea together and chat a bit before each turns to his/her daily routine. Their favorite location is their small kitchen table located next to the big window which overlooks the greenery outside and the neighbors’ houses. For the past few weeks, every time their neighbor comes out to hang her laundry, Mrs. H. gets this look in her eyes. She clicks her tongue and says in disappro …
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Author: Marlene Greenspan, MA, LPC

May 25th, 2016

The current “sandwich generation” is both aging and shifting, and includes many baby boomers. As the oldest generation leaves this earthly existence, a new sandwich generation is emerging: those who are both grandparents to grandchildren, and children to parents. Many in this generation are responsible for any combination of difficult factors: elderly spouses, unmarried siblings, and parents who are not able to function without assist …
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Author: Dr. Sara Teichman, Psy.D.

May 25th, 2016

It’s not just in the movies: The mean girls phenomenon is real and very much a subject of discussion today among professionals and parents alike. Unlike the boys who may be openly – and even physically – aggressive, mean girls use their words. They typically operate under the radar, far from adult view. And, no matter how many complaints there are from the other students, the mean girls continue to exclude, mock and/or tease, an …
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Author: Bin Goldman, PsyD

May 25th, 2016

Mental illness hurts, but it is something acceptable, a decree from God that we can’t control, but that we can usually treat. Stigma also hurts, but it is not acceptable. The suffering that people experience from mental health problems is not limited to the symptoms of their particular disorder, but is multiplied and expanded by stigma. Our community can and must understand the stigma of mental illness and its effects, and mobilize to reduc …
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Author: Zahavah Selinger, LMHC

May 25th, 2016

What do you do when you have a friend going through a difficult time and is relying on you too much for support? It could be difficult letting them know this because you want to be there for them, yet your tolerance slowly dwindles until you get to the point where you are so frustrated, you remove yourself completely from the situation. Being on either side is not comfortable. Someone who needs so much support is likely not getting it from the ri …
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Author: Dr. Yaakov Siegel

May 25th, 2016

Lately, behavioral addiction has been in the forefront of the psychology world, and with good reason. Behavioral addiction covers a wide range of behaviors that can be devastating to marriages and to other relationships. When this occurs, otherwise functional people find themselves repeatedly engaging in unsafe behaviors to their own detriment. Oftentimes, they seem to be fully aware of the consequences, yet continue to return to the same old beh …
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Author: Dvora Entin, LCSW

May 25th, 2016

Historically, Mother’s Day involved a mother, her mother, and maybe her grandmother as well. Today, with Facebook, social media, and a multitude of blogs, Mother’s Day exposes us to everyone else’s mother-child relationships. We scroll through our newsfeeds and see photo after photo of mothers and their kids, as well as adult children celebrating their older moms. As a therapist with my heart immersed in the world of those who h …
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Author: Lisa Twerski, LCSW

May 25th, 2016

It’s that time of year again. Spring is in the air, summer is soon to follow. Everyone is out more, enjoying the nice weather. Children are playing ball, riding bikes, and maybe opting out of the stuffy school bus and walking home with their friends instead. Time to talk about safety. Have you made sure your children wear a helmet when they ride their bike? Check. Talked to them about not darting out into the street after a runaway ball? Ch …
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Author: Liz Wallenstein, LMHC

February 29th, 2016

Psychotherapy is built on the premise that if you are struggling with something, feel stuck, or are having strong feelings or reactions to something, it’s because there’s more going on in your life than you realize. According to psychotherapy, the problem you are dealing with is, in actuality, only a symptom of a bigger conflict going on inside you. Through expert-guided conversation, therapists help clients gain the awareness they ne …
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Author: Ilana Rosen, LCSW

February 29th, 2016

 Chana* was clearly shaken when she came into session. After a childhood of abuse and significant trauma, she has been painstakingly working to become the best mother she could be. As a mother of five and approaching middle-age, Chana and I had spent months exploring her hopes and fears of having another baby. In addition to her therapy, Chana sees a chiropractor who gives her “corrections.” Recently her chiropractor, a …
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Author: Michael Simcha Lax Psy.D.

February 29th, 2016

“My son, the doctor” has been the pride and joy of many Jewish parents back in the day, and has no doubt been a motivating factor for many “sons” who have entered the field of medicine. The goal: do something society views as respectable and make my parents proud. Today this trend has taken on a new face. It’s going for a degree in Special Ed when you’d be more interested in a career in interior design, or doin …
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Author: Michael J. Salamon, Ph.D.

February 29th, 2016

Moods are a psychological state of mind, and are different from personality. Personality traits linger, varying very little over decades, while moods tend to not remain rigid. A mood is best described as both a general and an internal state of feeling. People have good moods and bad moods, and these moods can and should change. Everyone experiences variations in their mood. If a person has mood shifts that are mild and the shifts occur only on oc …
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Author: Sara Teichman, Psy.D.

February 29th, 2016

Is your daughter a drama queen who holds you hostage with her tales of woe? Does your son want you to fight his battles with the hanhala of his yeshiva? Do your kids expect you to provide entertainment when they bleat “Maaa, I’m so bored…”? Do you sometimes long for the days when kids were “seen but not heard”? In our rational moments, we know that we do not want to go back to that old mentality. We do want ou …
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Author: Sara Schapiro-Halberstam, MHC-LP, CASAC

February 29th, 2016

“I don’t know why I cry... I cry because for the first time since I hated you, I remember that I loved you…” (Lyrics by Gwen Stefani). Adolescents and adult children often openly defy their parents’ wishes. Be it religious differences, career issues, or lifestyle matters, adult children make different choices than their parents, hoping that their parents will someday agree with the decisions they’ve made. When …
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Author: Lili Grun, LCSW-R

February 29th, 2016

Emotional, spiritual, and physical struggles faced by individuals who come for psychotherapy frequently find their origins in painful, frightening childhood experiences. People whose minds and bodies are still in a state of trauma, or who are living according to childhood survival tactics and rules of cause and effect, often lack the skills needed to lead healthy lives and have satisfying relationships. A common defense mechanism employed to cope …
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