Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

October 22nd, 2023

As Jews in Israel and worldwide absorb the horrifying reality of the atrocities suffered here at the hands of vicious terrorists, it seems surreal to think or talk about intimacy. Hundreds are still being held captive or are still missing, the dead have not all been buried, we are all in mourning and in shock. Who is thinking about intimacy or sex? Yet, in the face of threat, the safety and security of a committed partnership can be a comforting …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

August 20th, 2023

Originally published in Times of Israel.   Warning: this article contains material regarding sexual abuse that some readers may find disturbing.   A few weeks ago, podcaster and comedian Mendy Pellin featured an interview with convicted sex offender Gershon Selinger, who recounted his struggle with pedophilia and sexual offending.  Almost immediately, segments of Jewish social media were flooded with reactions. Although the podcast …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

August 20th, 2023

The 15th of Av , also known as Tu B’Av, is a minor Jewish festival which in modern day Israel is celebrated as a holiday of romantic love, not unlike Valentine’s Day. In this mini bonus episode, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum discuss the Mishnaic origins of this day, and compare ancient and modern day beliefs about love.Listen here.   …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

August 20th, 2023

Not since Yenta from Fiddler on the Roof has there been a matchmaker as famous as Aleeza Ben Shalom! Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum for a rollicking discussion with the colorful, engaging and entertaining host of “Jewish Matchmaking.”Listen here. …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

May 7th, 2023

What happens to the sex life of couples during middle age? Does the familiarity of long-term marriage breed sexual boredom ? Does aging reduce sexual interest? What happens when intimacy is no longer mediated by nidah laws? Listen here to Rabbi Scott  Kahn interview Talli Rosenbaum  as she presents surprising research findings and insights that will dispel myths about sex in midlife and beyond. …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

March 30th, 2023

In our annual Q&A episode, Talli Rosenbaum  and  Rabbi Scott Kahn answer many questions and discuss numerous issues dealing with Judaism and intimacy, including whether avoiding sex before marriage means a likelihood of being sexually incompatible with your spouse, how to proceed when you start off shomer negiah and then… you’re not, finding porn on your husband’s intenet history, coping with changes in libido, de …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

February 22nd, 2023

The shidduch crisis refers to the phenomenon in the Orthodox Jewish community whereby eligible single persons, especially women, have difficulty finding a suitable spouse. While there are definite differences between the way dating for marriage is approached and conducted in the Hasidic, Yeshivish and Modern Orthodox worlds, there are also some similarities. Recently, a research study was conducted to better understand and promote awareness regar …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

February 22nd, 2023

Whether divorced, widowed or never married, seeking a new relationship is complex. While each individual has his or her own unique experiences and perspectives, being unpartnered in midlife usually represents mourning for having loved and lost, or not yet having experienced the joy of partnered intimacy. Added to this for Orthodox Jews, are conflicts around non-marital physical touch. Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum here in a discussion …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

December 23rd, 2022

  I want to, so yes. I want to want to, so yes. I don’t want to, but  I know I should, so yes I don’t want to, but must, so yes. I guess. Numerous sources in Jewish tradition demonstrate that sex in marriage must be mutual and consensual and at no time can sex be forced or coerced. The ideal consensual situation is enthusiastic consent with mutual desire. In reality  a woman’s desire for sex may be influenced by s …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

November 14th, 2022

Pregnancy and childbirth are profound events in the life of a couple. The physical, psychological and hormonal changes that occur to women during pregnancy and in the postpartum period can impact both partners and affect emotional and sexual intimacy. Couples must learn to adjust to a changed family system and a new identity as parents. Observant Jewish couples are additionally affected by laws that restrict touch during childbirth and in the pos …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

October 20th, 2022

The sexual life of a couple changes throughout the life cycle, as both partners navigate life’s transitions including but not limited to new marriage, childbirth, raising teens, and caring for elderly parents. As couples enter middle age, they acquire new responsibilities personally, socially and professionally which can impact on their identities, such as work promotions or adjusting to new roles as grandparents. Over time some couples dev …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

October 19th, 2022

Infertility and pregnancy loss affects relationships: with self, God, partner, family, friends and community. In part 2 of this two part series, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum discuss the general implications of infertility and pregnancy loss on these relationships and on marital intimacy and sexuality. Listen here to Talli and Rabbi Scott discuss this as well as the specific considerations for observant Jewish couples. …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

September 14th, 2022

The liturgy we recite on Rosh Hashana includes references to fertility and childbirth. G-d remembers Sarah, Rachel and Chana by answerIng their prayers for a child. The poem “Hayom harat olam,” the ‘birth day’ of the world, evokes images of pregnancy. For individuals and couples struggling with infertility or pregnancy loss, this can be triggering, painful and isolating. In the first of two episodes on infertility and preg …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

May 26th, 2022

Last month, Orthodox Jewish journalist Avital Chizhik-Goldschmidt published an article in The Atlantic highlighting the popularity of Laura Doyle’s 2001 New York Times bestseller, ‘The Surrendered Wife,’ among Orthodox Jewish women. Doyle’s book provides a practical guide to marital bliss and harmony, suggesting that women stop being critical and demanding of their husbands, respect and trust them, regularly engage in self …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

April 8th, 2022

The Jewish “Pleasure Principle” Sexual pleasure.  Does religion seek to minimize pleasure?  This message was communicated in the recent Netflix documentary “The Principles of Pleasure”  And to be honest, you don’t have to look hard to find Jewish sources, some in the Talmud, that do just that.  Then again, there are also sources, some mystical, that glorify (marital) sexual pleasure and satisfacti …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

March 18th, 2022

In his seminal book “The Body Keeps the Score,” trauma expert Dr. Bessel van der Kolk states “the ability to feel relaxed in one’s body requires the emotional experience of safety.” The emotional experience of safety and the embodied experience of relaxation  are also critical to experiencing attachment and connection.  Humans long for intimacy and are wired to connect. Most individuals desire to experien …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

March 18th, 2022

This past March 2022, I participated (virtually) in a symposium at the conference of ISSWSH- The International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health in Dallas, Texas.  The symposium consisted of four speakers, each representing one of the following religions: Islam, Mormonism, Catholicism and Judaism. I was given 15 minutes to present the highlights of both the myths and the realities of Judaism and sexuality.  Below is a …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

March 16th, 2022

According to Jewish sources, God created humans as distinctly male or distinctly female. The roles, obligations and privileges of each gender are clearly defined in our tradition. Yet, not everyone conforms to the gender assigned to them at birth and some individuals experience their gender as distinctly opposite. Can Orthodox individuals who identify as non-binary or transgender find welcoming places, literally and figuratively, in Orthodox soci …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

February 8th, 2022

Straight FOMO, Hymenal Myths, Vasectomy Envy, Fetishes, BDSM and Mad at God: Listening to our Listeners Q&A n this month’s episode, we turn the mike over to you, our listeners, and answer a handful of the many questions you have sent in on email, Facebook and Instagram messenger. Listen to Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn discuss what happens to queer women who don’t want to miss out on traditional marriage and sexual reproduc …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

February 8th, 2022

Reproductive health ensures that couples can lead satisfying sex lives, and make informed decisions regarding family planning. Decisions related to birth control methods are generally guided by various factors, including health, convenience, cost, preference, and sexual or other side effects. For most observant Jewish couples, these decisions are also informed by Jewish law.
In the second episode of our two-part series on reproductive health …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

January 5th, 2022

First published in Times of Israel The recent suicide of Chaim Walder has created an enormous ripple effect in the Jewish community worldwide. Within seconds of the announcement of his death, social media exploded with emotional reactivity and commentary. Few have remained unaffected. Walder’s victims (one died by suicide shortly after his funeral) are suffering repeated re-traumatization by the tributes that were paid to Walder after his d …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

December 8th, 2021

Reproductive health is relevant to all couples in their childbearing years. Family planning, fertility interventions, and the use of contraception are guided by values and Halachic considerations, and involve several other factors including financial concerns, personal and professional goals, desired family size, and relationship stability. Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum here in the first of a two-part series on reproductive health and …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

November 11th, 2021

In past decades, being Orthodox and gay meant suffering in the closet, or choosing to live authentically at the expense of religion. Today, more LGBTQ individuals and couples wish to retain their religious identities while embracing their sexual orientation. Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum in a moving interview with Rachel Weinstein, Shimmy Feintuch and Joshua Brook. For the video of the panel click here For the audio, click here …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

October 12th, 2021

The World Health Organization defines sexual health as fundamental to the overall health and well-being of individuals, couples and families, and considers sexual pleasure to be a basic human right. In Judaism, sexual pleasure is valued, but only in the context of marital sex, leaving many people in conflict between their sexual health and spiritual health. Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum here as they discuss the six principles of sexua …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

August 31st, 2021

During the month of Elul, hundreds of high school graduates flock to Israel for their gap year programs, yeshivot, and seminaries. This year offers experiences of high level learning, spiritual growth, increased maturity, new friendships, and fun. But many students experience confusion, particularly around their developing sexuality. The legendary “Night of Tears” refers to the night that some yeshiva boys and seminary girls are encou …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

July 27th, 2021

The Netflix reality show, My Unorthodox Life, has been the talk of much of the Orthodox world since it was released less than two weeks ago. It tells the story of Julia Haart, who first developed a shoe line, and quickly rose in the world of fashion. She now is the the CEO and co-owner of Elite World Group, the world’s largest modeling network. As most of you probably know, the reason that her story is different from others is that Julia wa …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

May 29th, 2021

Although quite common, painful intercourse is a topic that is rarely talked about. Couples who are unable to experience pain free intercourse, or are unable to consummate their marriage, may not know why this is happening or with whom to consult. Is this problem physical or psychological? How is it diagnosed and treated? In this episode, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum discuss causes and solutions. …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

April 25th, 2021

Modesty, lack of information, and embarrassment are just some factors that inhibit observant couples from using products designed to enhance sexual intimacy. In this episode, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum host Beverly Damelin, who shares her expertise in the field of sexual enhancement products and explains how they can help improve the sexual experience. Listen here. …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

April 25th, 2021

“Forced marriage” and coercive sex are terms that most believe have no relevance to Judaism. Nevertheless, in communities where marriages are typically arranged by parents and matchmakers, does the couple truly have the freedom to reject the match? And even in modern Orthodox circles, do young men and women sometimes feel pressured to marry when they aren’t sure about the partner, aren’t ready for marriage, or are uncertai …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

February 17th, 2021

In Episode #30 of Intimate Judaism, Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn answer practical sex questions from listeners. Among the subjects covered are: Can a couple experience sexual pleasure when intercourse is medically inadvisable?
Why must couples get the first time “over with” on the wedding night? (Or must they?)
Is it permissible to masturbate when your wife is a Niddah?
May women fantasize?
Does enjoying an …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

February 17th, 2021

Sexual intimacy provides the opportunity to express love with connection, pleasure, and satisfaction. Yet, for people who have experienced sexual assault, sexual violence, and abuse, intimacy can feel very unsafe. Being on guard, and sometimes checking out and dissociating, is what has allowed abuse victims to survive, and the idea of “relinquishing control and getting lost in the moment” can be terrifying. Rather than associate physi …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

December 24th, 2020

Orthodox girls and women are traditionally taught to dress modestly in order to avoid attracting the male gaze and to keep men from sinful thoughts or behaviours. These messages, according to Rabanit Oriya Mevorach, an educator and doctoral student of Gender and Philosophy, objectify and sexualise women and girls, and are actually influenced by Western society’s sexuality discourse. Moreover, the effect of these messages present men as sexu …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

December 6th, 2020

 I am honored to have been invited by Professor Brill to respond to his blog interview of some of the authors and editors of the recently published,  Monologues from the Makom: Intertwined Narratives of Sexuality, Gender, Body Image, and Jewish Identity  (Ben Yehuda Press, 2020) by Rivka Cohen, Sara Rozner Lawrence, Sarah Ricklan, Rebecca Zimilover, and Naima Hirsch.   I was aware of the book’s publication …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

November 9th, 2020

Harav Binyamin Lau, community leader, author, teacher, and former Rabbi of the Ramban Synagogue in Jerusalem, recently introduced a document providing guidance for members of the religious LGBTQ community and their families. This document is a collection of recommendations that, according to Rav Benny, “Do not permit prohibitions or prohibit things that are permitted,” but seek to pave the way to integrate one’s identity with re …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

November 1st, 2020

  Tantric sex originates from ancient Hinduism and revolves around sexual practices that focus on creating a deep, intimate connection. It is a meditative sexual practice that encourages people to focus on the connections between the mind, the body, and the soul. It is intended to lead to fulfilling sexual experiences and greater intimacy.

Taoism is a system of traditional beliefs from China. Taoists believe that when a man ejacul …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

September 23rd, 2020

Intimacy and sexual experiences are so closely connected with a person’s sense of identity, and so seldom discussed in many religious communities, that they often are the source of tremendous feelings of guilt.
When are these feelings misplaced and when do they serve a constructive purpose?
How should a religious individual manage his experience of guilt?
Is there a way to reframe the experience of shame or guilt in order to …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

August 6th, 2020

The Netflix series “Unorthodox” inspired two Intimate Judaism ZOOM panels on female and male sexuality respectively. Our panel on male sexuality included discussion of the expectations on observant men to live up to contemporary societal definitions of masculinity. Men are expected to exercise full restraint over forbidden thoughts and actions, yet be obligated to perform sexually with one’s wife. This may contribute to feelings …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

June 9th, 2020

Whether biologically or socially influenced, classic definitions of masculinity assign to men the traits of ambitiousness, competitiveness and a fairly uncomplicated and constant desire for sex. Contemporary culture, largely influenced by pornography, depicts men as sexually assertive whose masculinity is determined by their sexual performance and measured by the frequency of their sexual conquests.   In contrast, our Jewish sources teach us …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

May 12th, 2020

The Netflix series, “Unorthodox”,  has generated a great deal of discussion and debate. Dozens of op-eds and blogs have been published and various Zoom panels created to discuss the authenticity, or lack thereof, of Hassidic life, marital customs, and sexuality. This makes sense, as the intimate lives of Hassidic Jews, particularly as presented in Hollywood -esqe style,  is likely to arouse legitimate curiosity as well as pr …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

March 25th, 2020

  The Coronavirus has affected how we live, how we work, how we congregate and how we experience touch and intimacy. The world at large has had to renegotiate the common norms of social intimacy with distancing measures that are increasing daily. Couples are facing a new reality: confinement at home, the need to keep children occupied and help them cope with stress and uncertainty, as well as provide comfort and reassurance to one another. H …
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